I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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