I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
