He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
