I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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