a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
