I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
