in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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