will power is for people who don't want to get laid
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
