You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
