apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
