but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
