I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
