I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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