every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
