My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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