obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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