You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
