The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Oh god it's open bar.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
the raccoons are back...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
