your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
