I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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