Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
