Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
