we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize