why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
