Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
