Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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