smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She bit a glass in half.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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