and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
