yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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