2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
