I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
