I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
