Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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