found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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