went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
