Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
