I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
