Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
