Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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