I heard we made out
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
