So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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