I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just forgot I was standing up.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize