I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
