I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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