This is not my ceiling
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
