I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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