you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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