I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
