i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you would pick up someone in the library
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
