it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize