Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just pee around me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
