She said her name was "party"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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