So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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