This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
