Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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