I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize