my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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