Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
