Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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