I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize