i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
