i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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