after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
