It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
