Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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