You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
