yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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