Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
