did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
