I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
tell me about the fingering
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize