He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize