I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
