saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
