and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
